Euphoria
by ebullience
Summary: Spike comes back. Faye leaves. [SxF]


Euphoria

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. :;

_Tell me whom you love and I will tell you who you are. –Houssaye_

_-_

Her eyes glinted in the darkness of the hotel room and she took out a pack of cigarettes from the jacket she had discarded before. She lighted one, and watched it burn, the acrid scent masking the musk that had been there earlier. She took a long drag from it and thought of Spike. It had been almost a month since she had left, and she wondered if he had ever gone looking for her. Probably not. He really didn't give a fuck about anyone but himself and Julia. She blew the smoke out in a steady stream and she realized slowly that she would have to quit. She sighed briefly; it would be a hard habit to break. She had been smoking for as long as she could remember.

A soft snore came from the man lying next to her. Her red lips tilted and she smiled wryly - it had been a while since she had fallen asleep. The black-eyed demons that haunted her in dreams had become unendurable. Insomnia, she discovered, was a far better thing than it was made out to be. His deep rumbling came steadily, and her eyes scrutinized him.

Had there been a reason she had chosen him from all the others who wanted her? He contrasted so much from Spike's dark, wild hair and uncaring eyes. Faye had never thought of Spike as handsome - his face looked too tragic for that, but it was that quality she loved. The man was handsome, she decided, and admired the wave of blonde hair and highcheekbones. The eyes that had roamed over her form hours before had been greener than hers. Pity he was a man.

It had been hardly difficult to get him into bed - with her outfit, a coy smile, and a fluttering of eyelashes, she could get whatever she wanted. But getting what she wanted wasn't the reason she chose to be who she was. She needed to belong. She needed to be stared at, to be noticed, so that she would know that she was really there. If others could see her, she wouldn't disappear. If others could notice her, she wasn't alone. Sometimes she wondered what people thought of her when they saw her walking down the street. She told herself that it didn't matter what they thought. But on the rare occasions she wasn't strong enough to keep her composure, the cat-calls and the whispers behind her back wounded her more than she let herself believe.

There was no clock in the small room, and the darkness was suffocating. Behind the tightly closed curtains, she could feel the time passing and her thoughts drifted back to Spike again, as they always did. The familiar mist that glazed over her eyes betrayed her feelings for him. She had given up on her short-lived promise of not thinking about him. Her hand absently wandered to her still-flat stomach, caressing it, reassuring herself that there was somebody who would be with her always. She would never be alone again. Faye dressed then, careful not to wake the slumbering man, a skill she was not sure she was proud of. She felt she was always leaving things behind. She tossed a quick glance at the cracked mirror hanging crookedly on the yellowed wall. Still beautiful, she mused. With one hand, she quickly brushed through her short black hair, smiled, and left, closing the door gently behind her. It creaked slightly and the man's arm unconsciously reached for where she had been. She wondered if the man would feel as she did the times she woke up alone.

-

Jet looked over at Spike at the dinner table, silently eating an identifiable mixture of vegetables. After Faye had gone, the silence on the ship became unbearable. It seemed like the ship was filled with lingering ghosts.

Jet studied him, whose motions and words were as indifferent as ever, and his temper flared.

"You know why she left, don't you?" Jet asked him, his voice restrained and just shy of being accusatory. "I know that she's not coming back."

Spike's head snapped up to stare at him.

"She was different after you left," Jet continued, trying to get some kind of reaction out of Spike, "She stayed out for days at a time. She always came back bruised."

"I don't know why you're telling me this," Spike said coolly. But Jet had seen one of his eyes flicker and his knuckles whiten as he clenched his plate. That was enough for him.

Spike got up and headed towards his room.

He would go looking for her tomorrow.

-

A.N. Hello D It's been a year! Haha Look at my dedication . I didn't think I was going to finish this. After the next chapter I really have no clue what I'm going to do. ; I don't have much inspiration as you can see. D Well, I watched the series (finally) and I realized my story doesn't really make sense! D So I revised the plot a little bit. In other words, I cut out a whole bunch of stuff. XD


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